Sexuality. When it goes well, that's wonderful. Unfortunately, in many relationships sex can be an area where couples are not aligned. Perhaps... one person wants to be sexual more than the other person. Perhaps... one person has fantasies that their partner doesn't want to participate in. Perhaps... one person feels resentment toward their partner and this resentment causes them to not want to be intimate with them. There are many reasons why people have differences in their sexual desires, but it can certainly create problems in relationships.
In another situation, sometimes one of the people in the relationship has withdrawn from their partner and even when they're being sexual they're not really connecting with them. Maybe they're having fantasies of being with someone else. Maybe they are so busy concentrating on their own activities during sex that they're not truly being "with" their partner. Sometimes they just feel disconnected and sex is a sad reminder of how little they're in sync.
When that happens, communication is the key. If both people are communicating and trying to uncover what is in the way of a healthy, loving sexual relationship, it can be the first step toward letting go of the past and the things that are in the way. And once you've cleared a pathway through the resentments, the upsets, the bad feelings about being sexual, then you can truly come together and experience the intimacy you desire. After all, you and your partner chose each other for a reason. It makes a lot of sense to clear a pathway toward recapturing the passion and love you used to feel, so you can feel it again and hopefully maintain it throughout the relationship.
David Schwartz, M.S., LMFT
David brings a wealth of life experience to his therapy practice. In addition to his therapy training, David has been a self-motivated entrepreneur for over 20 years, as well as working as a producer in the television industry.
David Schwartz, MS., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist # 87261 -
2239 Townsgate Road, Suite # 107, Westlake Village, CA 91361, and 19634 Ventura Blvd., Suite # 303, Tarzana, CA 91356