Guess what? We're not going to be 100% in sync with our partners all the time. When we are in sync it can feel magical. You know what I mean... We can complete each other's sentences, we want to make love at the same times, everything feels right with the world. However, when we're not in sync, things can go downhill fast. We're going to misread our partners, misinterpret them and sometimes not have a clue as to why they're feeling and acting the way they are.
This can apply to everything from the way we deal with our children to our finances to being sexual. It seems to me that when this happens, we need to back off a bit and really listen to what's in the way of the communication. Sometimes it's something that happened outside the relationship. Perhaps your partner was criticized at work, or is worried about a medical problem. Sometimes it's something we've done that we're unaware of that has upset our partner. Whatever it is, often it can be resolved with a little extra understanding and caring.
All to often we get defensive and upset at our partners because we take their upset personally. We think they're unfairly mad at us. "After all," we rationalize, "I didn't do anything." This may be true, but if our partner is caught in a reaction about something outside the relationship, they may not be able to separate those feelings from how they feel around us. And if it's about us, it may be something easy to get past if we don't take it personally and react defensively, thereby making it worse. At those times when our partners seem out of sorts and not acting like themselves, I believe the more understanding we can be, the more we listen to what our partner really needs, the quicker we will be able to help them address the real issues and the quicker we will be able to get back in sync.
David Schwartz, M.S., LMFT
David brings a wealth of life experience to his therapy practice. In addition to his therapy training, David has been a self-motivated entrepreneur for over 20 years, as well as working as a producer in the television industry.
David Schwartz, MS., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist # 87261 -
2239 Townsgate Road, Suite # 107, Westlake Village, CA 91361, and 19634 Ventura Blvd., Suite # 303, Tarzana, CA 91356